bom

2011-10-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

no words can describe how i feel this past few days.

i'm furious, sad, betrayed and some other stuff all mixed together.

What the fuck went wrong?

I was just listening to the other party.

I was just saying that it was not convincing enough.

You don't need to put the blame on me.

This fucking little thing can't be the reason you mad at me till now.

It wasn't convincing! and made him worried sick. that's the reason he kept pestering.

it's between both of you why include the rest of us?

why are you still mad?

sad, the closest friend i had, see me with full hatred in his eyes.

all those harsh words hurts so bad. my heart sank, it felt like needles pricking it.

eyes filled with tears. no one ever knew.

I didn't mean any harm to anyone.

and now, I don't even know who are sincere.

those i'm close to i don't know if they still bothers.

if they could see this pain.

i've tried calling. but sadly, none made an effort,.

I don't fucking know what else to do to make all of these better.

I feel everything falling apart slowly.

dear friend, just so you know i miss you.

take care wherever you are.

If what you said was you're final decision. who am i to say anything?

I'll just back off then.

2011-08-15T04:08:00.003+08:00

life has been treating me well so far.

its fasting month. that's shows how long i have not logged in to my blog.

still loving the same man. amin.

still schooling. ending soon. left with attachment.

how fast time flies.

i'm sure gonna miss those time in polytechnic.

but i'm just not ready for working life.

2011-06-09T01:10:00.005+08:00

I know I'm being a little bit selfish.

i guess i'm not being fair bout this.

and i'm sorry.

cause i only think of my feelings and how badly i want it.

never thought bout you and how badly you want it too.

i wish a lot everyday.

i wish i could make you happy.

i wish i was better than this.

i wish i could tell the whole world how much you mean to me.

i wish i could ..

i wish..

it gets to me real bad, when people thinks i'm the spoilt brat.

when they say i'm being mean to you.

it makes me feel do you deserve someone better than me?

or am i not good enough.?

since it's been ages since anyone go and read up my blog. i guess, nobody will ever know.

2011-04-27T01:38:00.002+08:00

Hello! its been ages. no one even read my blog.

so why bother updating right?

tell me who does? bf? friends? i don't think so .

i think they think this blog extinct!

ok never mind.

i hate the fact that i'm slower by one year from my friends.

when they are already earning money, going overseas with other friends.

im here. still out of cash. n stuck in spore basically, when my friends have plans for trips.

i know, i agree school life is way better than working life.

i get it. i know. but can't i get money while studying.?

i just hate that fact. seriously,

and one more! what the fuck is difference between a man n a woman

ok i know, one have penis, the other dont. one have boobs the other dont. i know that!

like my mother will usually say when i home late " adik kau tu lelaki, kau tu perempuan"

and now, my bro act like a big fuck like tht since he can go out anytime he wants. like wtf! _|_

2011-03-28T00:29:00.001+08:00

i miss the girls.

i just don't know if they miss me too .

2011-03-27T05:14:00.003+08:00

when its beyond the limit.

if i could i would not want it to happen that way.

but i could not take it any longer.

i have feelings excuse me.

am i wrong to cry when i feel so helpless,

when i'm really furious?

if i could i would punch each one of you in the face.

but im helpless, and all i could do is cry.

do you think i wanted to cry in front of a person i barely know?

the one i thought to have my back.

and thats sad. coz i'm wrong.

i'm to blame.

im a girl, with feelings.

to have insulted a girl's appearance right in the face,

means you don't respect me. not a single bit.

if i could i would go home.

but i couldn't spoil the day could i.

so i just go on.

but no one knows how hurt it is.

its been long since i cried before dozing off to sleep

i'm sorry if i'm not pretty enough, fair enough for you.

2011-03-04T02:34:00.003+08:00

i met the girls today .

it's been ages.

i had fun .

funny stories..

im just too lazy to update.

but i need to get home early .

and thats what i hate the most.

its been freaking long since i saw them

='(

any one knows how i feel right now?

coz every one is like saying.

your dad ask you to go home already . there's always some other time

but to have all of them there. it took years.

no one knows. oh wells.

so , i walk alone while going to ira's house.

and it got me thinking.

2011-03-01T23:15:00.004+08:00

this post is for bby .

today marks 2 years of our relationship.

that will be the first ever picture we took together.

was with his friends at vivo watched movie.

he was still serving ns at that point of time. ORD soon in few days.

i remember the first ever day i met him.

that was with surayah.

he was supposed to go for guard duty, but he completely forgot.

subsequently, we meet almost everyday without fail.

sometimes we do have our tiffs and whatnots .

but we managed to pull it through.

bby, thank you for pampering me a lot for this past 2 years.

thank you for showering me with never ending love of yours.

we did go through a lot during those 2 years.

and i'm looking forward for a lot more years with you .

you've seen me at my worst.

and you there when i'm facing the most terrifying experience ever.

you laugh at my stupidest joke ever.

and even join in .

you bare with all those complains, all those whining.

i thank go that i'm with you.

and i pray im with you till the end.

insyallah. :)

i love you so much . more than you'll ever know.

2011-02-26T01:03:00.002+08:00

fuh!! dusty . i know i've been neglecting my dear blog.

im just busy study or busy trying to study .

i just cant do it at home .

with computer, bed, tv and food.

gosh a lot of distraction!!

can somebody accompany me to library pls.

did i study today !? no!! had migraine whole day .

and now im just too lazy.

and i just dont have the mood at all.

:'(

2011-02-05T05:44:00.001+08:00

have you ever felt that.

no matter how hard you try, people cant see your kindness.

no matter how many people around you, you still felt lonely

i have tons of friends.

but sometimes i felt lonely.

that no matter how much i tried getting thru them.

there's no way for them to spare a tiny bit time for me.

today i tried so hard, but to no avail..

those i cherish the most among them, does they even know they mean to me?

get it ? i don't think so .

cause maybe to them, i'm just another person who fits in.

who i don't think cares.

" sometimes the person you least expected, becomes the person you need the most." - love and other drugs.

2011-01-22T01:06:00.002+08:00

curfew sucks big time doesn't it.

when you know you reach home everyone will be asleep.

and when your friends and bf go out together and have fun.

when you at home stoning all night.

:'(

mummy is asleep, dad not at home.

brothers outside the house slacking with their friends.

now tell me how sucky can it be.

even someone younger doesn't have a curfew.

seriously, coz i feel so sucky and sad right now.

and i mean really sad.

=''''''''''''''''(

no one just know. when they are out there having fun.

and i feel i shouldn't go out at all. so i won't feel sucky everytime i need to go home early.

FML

2011-01-13T00:50:00.002+08:00

school has been better.

and so is my mood.

thank god! thank god! i'm no longer in that bad mood.

i'm no longer get agitated over slightest things.

sorry if anyone affected whether u knew or not. =)

anyways. i really wonder.

can the past really ruin a present relationship?

i cant deny it affect the partner a lil bit.

but can it really destroy the bond between those two partners?

i've been hearing stories about couples fighting over their partner's past relationship.

don't ever lie about your past relationship.

to me its useless as it already in the past. whats the use of lying?

i do get jealous alot of timess about ex's. but its the past. forget it!

enough of r'ship.

i miss the girls. no matter how many time i utter this words.

i still havent get to meet them . =(

sad sad sad.

no matter how irritating you girls can be.

you girls are still number 1 gfs in my heart.

ahjeyy! awwweerrdie!

2011-01-11T00:33:00.002+08:00

no matter how wide a person's smile.

you'll never know what's going through their mind.

what's bothering them. and whether they are unhappy.

you'll just never know.

i had a friend who laugh the loudest. cracks at every single joke.

but goodness her past was so dark.

never would i imagine going through what she had gone through.

i wonder how she made it through.

and amazed how strong she is in handling the situation.

there are somethings friends said hurts you. but in a way to make you a proper person,

its acceptable.

but somethings friends said merely hurts you like an insult/joke.

there's always a limit.

this few days is a bad time to provoke me.

this few days sch have been giving me shits.

to avoid me from saying hurtful things.

darling pls, mind your language.

cause when i said things that hurts you. i mean good.

but not you. not this.

2011-01-08T15:53:00.001+08:00

ok fyp is being pain in the ass.

seriously . i need two more people. and idk alot of people in np.

like fcuk kan .

anyways. i love bf , bye!

2011-01-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

i wonder, why why people make it so complicated?
can someone like/love two people at the same time.
and i believe, the saying that goes
"treat person like how you want to be treated"

but to the fact that most people including me,
dont do that.
you do things that hurt your partner,
but you dont want your partner to hurt you.
you can do that particular something.
but your partner cant do it?

there must be give and take in relationship,
actually in everything.
there must be two way road, not only your way.

2011-01-01T04:42:00.004+08:00

i told myself. this year. im gonna be with my friends on new year's eve.

but mummy had plan for birthday celebration.

and i must be there.

and i told myself after celebration and when zul finish his work

we gonna head off there. but ended up.

he finish his work late. and i celebrating mummy's birthday.

countdown at ibu's place. watch fireworks at the tv screen.

that's basically it. i really wish i was there even for a second.

i've never feel that i've ditched them as bad as this new year's eve.

and i mean ditched them real bad.

i didnt get to watch fireworks. and i didnt get to go out.

and i didnt get to party.

look on the bright side. new year's eve i get to spend with family. have zul with me. only friends are missing.

i super happy i have u my dear.

2010-12-28T03:48:00.000+08:00

i wonder if i shut myself from the world,

would anyone miss me?

2010-12-16T03:25:00.003+08:00

im bored to death . how?

i wish i have every game in the world burnt, delete throw.

u name it as long as i could destroy games!

seriously i wish i could do that at this point of time.

i could stop watching my k drama for awhile. cant you?

2010-12-11T05:48:00.002+08:00

booohhooo.

i cant sleep.. my tummy hurts. but i scared want to go toilet!

how siak!!!!

urgh!!

i miss bf soo much today .

=''''''''''''''(

2010-12-11T02:45:00.002+08:00

bf ♥ cheer up ok hunn .

idk how much i've been saying this, but i knw you're not in the mood.

but it made me sad seeing you like that.

i mean it really does. ='(

pls pls smile, i miss you.

2010-12-06T22:17:00.003+08:00

im dead broke. and im bored to death .

what a day huh?!

i wish i could go out with them .

but im out of cash.

plus my mom and dad keep on nagging about me going out.

so here i am, home on monday night.

watching korean dramas.

just to please mummy and papa.

guess they are having time of their life out there.

no matter how hard headed they are, those attitudes that i get pissed off .

their harsh jokes and words.

me mia-ing for weeks and months, they knew how to console me.

they are just different.

the best ive ever had.

im glad he could get along to most of them,

i know some ticks him off.

but after all i love him for making the effort to know my friends.

to go out with them. i appreciate you doing all those for me.

thank you bby, i love you .

2010-11-21T22:21:00.002+08:00

not a good day. not a good day at all.

not even close to a good day.

other than i studied.

yesterday, the news was like a bomb.

it make me think are you guys really good friends?.

are you guys gonna be there went im down.?

and i was taken aback, and broke down to tears.

and who knew it? no one.

and today , when i'm down. i had nobody .

literally nobody! and how sad was that.

idk why, but i just need company.

stupid feelings.

at the end of the day,

no matter how much i spent time with zul,

have a good laugh with friends.

treasure each and everyone of them.

i'm left to cry alone.

when everyone out having fun.

oh wells wat to do .

good thing, i start at 2 tmr. but decide to go sch early.

pls pls pls, distract me from thinking nonsense

2010-11-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

Sentosa was awesome!

whn the jokes on me,i was kinda furious.

actually its up to the limit. selamat kwn.

the jokes at vivo was fucking hilarious.

i know it hurt some parties but they mean no harm.

and the night was booooooozzziinngg time.

we laughed, stupid games, stupid yet hilarious talks.

even surayah sound like she drank. hahahah!!

overall it was awesome day.

and someone get on my nerves at times,

2010-11-11T23:26:00.002+08:00

tell me whats happening to the world now.
don't people get scared of the consequences anymore?
no humanity anymore?
to hurt someone till death, don't you feel the guilt?
even the thought of really doing it. you guys disgust me the most

just yesterday, i heard commotion at the void deck.
i thought it was like kids joking ard saying
"sini uh kalo berani, kite tengok sape potong sape"
translation. if you are brave enough come here. we see who get slashed instead.
I was FUCKING SHOCK when my lil bro said he saw someone holding a parang.
seriously tk cool langsong!!

enuff said.
school? ive been learning vulgarities from nanthini.
it's all about laughing and vulgarities.
and starting to get nervous for all the exam and projects.
need to start studying!
darn school!!!

2010-10-30T04:00:00.002+08:00

Today was a good day . woke up.
had my shower. with all the bubbly bubbles of the shampoo and soap .
heh heh heh .
get ready . head my way to sengkang.
meet my cousins, aunt and my niece.

alhamdulilah ally's face getting better and better each day .
but sadly, kak noni's face was invaded by the virus.
huhuh. i hope everyone recover soon.

so then, after a few minutes. they decided off to farrer park for banquet.
it was like a feast.
i had ban mian, mak had fish soup something,
kak noni had this korean beef set, lil ally had her porridge
and we bought side char kway teow for everyone.
by looking at those massive foods. kak yas cancel her plan to order.
kimchi fried rice

aft that feast. i had to agree hungry man is an angry man .
same goes to a bby. hungry bby is an angry bby.
ally non-stop pulling kak yas hand for her porridge.
with the you are slow women expression. haha!
aft the porridge, bottle of milk, some coke, some passion fruit drink .
taddaaa! a happy bby. laugh here, laugh there. smile like mentel girl.
hehehe.

fyi, u know why i have the time to elaborate my day ?
coz webby with bf♥.
but he's to engrossed watching how i met your mother.
laughing non stop. tell me about it man .
and he is the one who delays downloading my show. now he's stuck.
engaged. and can even marry that show~~~ urgh

BTW back pain . like fucker cb.

2010-10-17T17:25:00.002+08:00

i thank go i know you.

i thank go i have you.

and i'm grateful for everything hunn.
<3>

bintan was great.

except for the expensive food and all.

but spending it with love.

nothing beats that.

nothing beats being with him .

having holiday with him.

i love you so much bby .

that no one else could love you as much as i did.

thank you so much .

2010-10-14T01:22:00.001+08:00

"When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant."

2010-10-12T01:48:00.003+08:00

i miss those times.

those outings. every saturday without fail .

when we close. like family.

all those genuine laughters, hugs and kisses.

when did it start falling apart?

no time?

i miss every single one im close to.

sidetracking

action speaks louder than words.

but dont think that words cant hurt people feelings.

2010-10-08T19:06:00.003+08:00

i'm back on track with my korean dramas.

heh heh hehe.

since im on holidays, bf is busy with work .

i'm bored to death ! korean drama just fill it up.

but since i got nothing to do, ive been looking at hp ever 1 min,

to see if bf got text or call.

i wish i could call , but i look so (insert in the blank).

partly, i hate drama. coz it make me feels like awww the guy so sweet.

which in reality, i dont think so it happens.

do guys really pay attention to little details.

to little2 things that put a smile on a girl's face.

littlest things that make them cry ?

oh yea, nearly slipped my mind.

I LIKE IT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.

hehe

2010-10-06T17:58:00.002+08:00

i came across a video .

it scares me so much.

i've told myself so many times , i want to change for the better.

not to do things that against HIM.

how do i go about doing that?

open my heart and those i love . to change for the better.

2010-10-05T02:00:00.002+08:00

at last i get to hold on to lappy .

i miss you lappy .

hehehe.

so that is some of the pics from raya-ing with tech.

this year didnt go raya with girls. nor zul's friends.

im too lazy. update soon.

mwah

2010-09-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

its 2 weeks ending. I still can't finish up my skills. stressing up!

anyways,
just a few days ago. I saw my lil brother's friend. so there is this girl around my bro's age. she wore clothes make-up n high heels just to slack at void deck. with all those she look her age + 5 years. gosh!

and asking my Bro if im his lil sis or wat. see girl. I look way younger than you even when im way older.

I ask myself when can I splurge on myself using my own money. buying things I want w/o thinking would I have enuff money later on.

2010-09-19T21:06:00.000+08:00

I OFFICIALY MISS MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH!!! :'(

2010-09-17T16:03:00.000+08:00

test 1 2 3 test! im trying to update using pda. I miss blogging n fb. since my computer die on me.

so yea no pics for hari raya coz idk hw to upload or better still wether can upload anot.

this is the first raye celebration without grandfather .it felt weird and I don't feel the hype to raye at all.

eventhough my house seem like Nobody came, im glad tht all of us celebrated together as a whole big grp.

nobody knows how much I miss my grandad. how Much I wish I had spend more time with him when he's ard.take care of him and all. it just kills me inside.

on a second note. im left with two More weeks of attachment and I cnt wait for it to end fast.

last but not least, I miss my boyfried md zulhilmi bin abu bakar. since im busy with attchment n he's working two jobs. im a bit disappointed tht he cldnt join my friend but I know family come first

ill end it here.
till nxt time.

2010-09-10T03:12:00.001+08:00

and today.
you made me feel so envious to those girls who don't have a curfew.
thank you .
and congrats, coz you're the first.

BTW. SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all the muslims in the world.!

2010-08-27T18:45:00.003+08:00

im all blessed with great people in my life.
thanks hunn for the watch .
thanks babies gf for the bag, the cake,
the time u guys put aside for me.

but somehow. something. just made me sad.

2010-08-23T02:15:00.002+08:00

dont say i didnt make an effort to ask bby .
dont say i didnt remind u that i care for you bby.
whatever it is im still here. now its your choice.
i say no more.

exam around the corner.
ive yet to touch my books.
discipline amira discipline.

counting down.
its just 5 days away .
should i list down my wishlist?
hahaha!!!

ok bye!

2010-08-21T02:12:00.001+08:00

before getting to this page.
i feel like i got loads to type.
but when im at this page.
i just dont know what to type.
so bye!

2010-08-16T17:24:00.004+08:00

i think im stressed out with practical coming soon .
two more days.
but ive yet to touch my books.
i should set my priorities straight.
motivation anyone.

acting weird. there this itch in my heart.
that doesn't feel right at all.
that i don't like a single bit.
damn.

and someone ask me, to what extend i could prove my love?
i dunnoe.
and i want to know to what extend you would show u love me?

‎"When he revolves his schedule around you, because he wants to include YOU in everything, and wants to see YOU as much as he can … that’s love."
is this quote true?

2010-08-14T00:41:00.002+08:00

i don't want anything to change.
not a single thing.
i want to be the best you ever had.
but, what if i'm not?

unreasonable, sensitive, getting on your nerves.
ask me why. i, myself have no idea.
i can't even tell why i feel that way.

am i trying too hard?
i guess i am.

so should i stop trying?

i love you so much

2010-08-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

15 more days baby to my birthday .
hehe.

do you guys want to know my wishlist.
too many to mention .

i just want to have my bf to spend time with me
can i ?
pls ?

2010-08-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

this year is the most boring national day ever.
not coz of the show.
coz i did practically nothing. =)

but spending time with <3 is worth it.
don't think is as waste of money k bby .
coz for all i know. i love spending time with you.
if only. we had roof of our own.
i would be laughing non stop.

that makes me love you even more.
no words could explain, how i feel.
no words could describe how close we are.
just no words how i feel different in this r'ship.

2010-08-07T21:38:00.002+08:00

fuh ! its getting dusty over here.
computer crashed down on me the other day .
that's the reason of lacking of updates.
now my lappy is back alive.
=)

Why must people feel jealous.
i hate when i feel jealous over small stuff.
i know its not a big deal, stupid to feel jealous too.
but hey, if can i don't want to feel jealous.
it comes naturally.
oh wells. the past is past.
what can i do when his close to the fam.

2010-07-26T00:17:00.002+08:00

its getting dusty here.
i don't even think there's someone who read this.
not even bf i think .

anyways, i dun think yesterday go so well after all.
i just hope everything fine soon.

i'm so bored when bf out with his friends.
thats the result of depending on bf too much.
=( come home pls?

2010-07-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

quicky one.
being sick during attachment doesn't do me any good.
back and feet aching, sore throat and fever.
crying at night coz of headache.( yes, i am a crybaby)
just hope im ok tmr.
bye!

2010-06-26T01:55:00.002+08:00

oh holidays ending.
='(
i enjoy my holidays like a happy goober.
i could cry thinking that monday is coming.

im so glad,
to know that bf go along well with tech guys.
im so so so happy.
happy, glad for having such a great bf.
i love him so much !!

2010-06-23T19:56:00.004+08:00

Let me remind u this.
i want to share the happiness u feel,
the pain u bearing,
the loneliness u had,
the anger u dying to show.
in short, whatever u feel i would be there for you .

but to be there. i need to know dont i ?
it feels pain .
when i know there's something bothering u .
but i just dunnoe what.
i feel the pinched.
i feel much more worst.
thats why im here as ur gf. or whatever u want

but if im a bother or burden.
sincerely sorry .

2010-06-22T00:07:00.003+08:00

SATURDAY WAS AMAZING.

No words could sum up how happy i was to spend the whole day

with these people.

no matter how far we drifted apart.

criticized each other.

joked about each other.

hit each other hard.

we always come back to each other,

and have hell load of fun.

thats what i call great friends

2010-06-18T02:57:00.004+08:00

there's always someone who's partially responsible

for what you've become now.

for the worst or for the best.

where you learn that when you fall,

you got to get back up.

you would fall for the same trap over and over again.

no matter how bad the wounds are.

it would heal. but you know it leaves a scar.

on the bright side,

it makes you a stronger and wiser woman in your own way.

but another person would bring out the best of you.

the one who would know your flaws.

but still say you're perfect.

no matter, how hard both of you fought.

it would end nice with a kiss.

that would make you smile on your worst day.

that someone will be there sooner or later for you .

just live the way you live now.

put down the wall you've been building in front of you.

thats all it takes.

remember my friend, never look back.

no matter how your past haunt you.

its just the past.

i would say, bf was the one who loves me,

even when he knows my flaws.

love me the way i am;

sloppy(SOMETIMES!), clingy( i admit) little girl.

no matter how i think about it.

i feel im the one who is the lucky one to have him by my side.

no matter how many times i said i love you .

to me, it just didnt sum up how much i love you.

coz i love bf more than all the i love you(s) i said to him

2010-06-17T02:45:00.002+08:00

short hair bodo! haha

Tell me what can i watch at tv at 2.45 in the morning.

im stuck with powerpuff girls.

ta ta ta na na na na ~ i think so thats how the theme song sounds like.

-_-"

i should be sleeping cause i need to wake up in the morning.

can bf sing me a lullaby pls.♥ ♥

the thought of going CA next next week is sucky!

='((((((

2010-06-16T02:26:00.002+08:00

oh hello .

the whole week i have something plan.

i cant wait for thursday, to go out swimming with family .

and saturday, going out with sec sch friends.

fast forward to that please.

woke up pretty late. HEHE!

must take this opportunity during holidays.

AND MY HP DIED ON ME TODAY!!!!

luckily. it revived just before i step out of the house.

off to meet bf to see his new desktop.

it was super super great to have a desktop.

huhu. im stuck with this dying laptop.

=(((

dearest called pizza delivery right on time.(my stomach started growling)

i love you bby!

bf can be so cheeky at times. but im loving it.

he could say bad jokes, which i feel offended. (PMS!)

but i know he didnt mean it.

at times i behave like a 5 year old when im with him.

pampered i guess. heheh!!

AND you gues should watch gleeeee!!

two thumbs upp!!!

2010-06-14T16:39:00.002+08:00

HOLIDAYS!

it was well spent when it started.

watch prince of persia with bf

as soon as the last paper finish.

it was two thumbs up.!!

next day we went to watch karate kid

with bf's lil bro and friends

another great movie.

its like a movie marathon for the start of holidays

i loike.

looking at the friends i miss the presence of tech guys.

KARATE KID!

had our lunch at fishandco express

TADAAAAA!!! i meet my girls and boys the next day

i was a happy goober indeed

we played tap tap the whole time sitting at coffee bean
the minah rockers!!!

after that, meet the ns guy.

and was treated popeye for late lunch/early dinner.

then i end my day with bf.

oh im loving it!!!!

2010-06-12T18:01:00.002+08:00

I dunnoe why but im all sexcited for holidays.

i know its just two weeks.

but who cares.

two weeks no sch . its like HEAVEN

the most importantly .

i want to go out with my bitches.

at least once with poly friends.

and all the time i had for zulhilmi hehehe

2010-06-08T04:33:00.001+08:00

im suffering from exam . it 4.30 am. im still awake mugging.

now im giving myself a break . like nb . haha.

i cant for it to end. and welcoming holidays with open arms.

and i wish i could meet the bitches more often.

and meet my babies. ( zafrill and ally ) more.

and not forgetting my own baby . md zulhilmi. mwah

ok i want to eat. bye

2010-05-30T03:58:00.002+08:00

Im so freaking worried. and i cant sleep .

Thank god that he is ok .

hope that the bike wont cost much .

coz the bike is "carik mkn nye bike"

oh bby, i hope everything fine.

and i really wish .

im by ur side. in times like this.

i love you so much . more than everything.

take good care of yourself.

2010-05-28T16:05:00.002+08:00

see this guy over here has been my daily routine.

my best friend, my lover and my strength. *chey2. kening up up*

since i shut down from my friends. not all but a whole lot of them .

"There are some people who offers their help but i turn them down.

While there are some people, who i approach for help.
The difference: Level of comfort and fondness."

which i find it so true. ive shut myself from whom i find fun with .

from whom, i considered to be the closest. (other than the girls)

having to listen to that. i find myself burning inside.

i feel like bitch slapping someone.

i feel like cursing whole lot of them .

and with this i turn to the one i find most comfort with,

my bf and some of the girls.

and everyday i thank god.

that some of my friends are the true friends i have.

2010-05-22T06:07:00.001+08:00

ITS 6 AM . AND I CANT EVEN SHUT MY DAMN BLOODY EYES.

COZ IM NOT SLEEPY .

BUT MY BODY IS SUPER TIRED.

HOW ABOUT THAT?!?!

2010-05-22T05:13:00.002+08:00

I HAVE A NEW NEPHEW.

Now i have two cute babies .

a girl and a guy.

how great is that.

i cant wait for the babies to able to walk, talk and play.

='(

anyways. sch is really stressing me out.

its either i dunnoe how to manage my own time.

or im just plain lazy.

i envy people who score higher than me.

and always tell myself to do and strive better.

but i end up laze around.

i dunnoe what im thinking right now.

but im sure it got me real bad.

2010-05-20T23:11:00.002+08:00

and do i make an effort to be in their life as much as i want to?

someone once told me,

if you are a good friend,

ur friend will always be there.

does this mean i am not a good friend afterall?

2010-05-19T00:47:00.002+08:00

its weird how my heart beats fast

when i watch the sec sch vid.

its weird when my tears roll down without me knowing.

i still dunnoe why i feel so sad over it.

even with lots of regrets doing what i did.

i still chose to be in this path of life.

cause without it, i wont be able to get to know

people that meant the most to me.

2010-05-09T00:16:00.002+08:00

oh gosh . all the projects really drain me out .

its amazing how today .

i stay home whole day .

do my slides.

even do the heading for poster.

and even study .

shocked? i am very much are.

haha. today is the most mundane day ever.

i like deprived to talk to people.

stay home alone the whole day .

what do you guys expect.

hehe. and anyways. happy mother's day to mummy

mwah i love you .

2010-05-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

and. theres a time i wonder.
if im not cntcting .
will my phone still b ringing.
like how i make ur phone rings?

and it shows. that im a clingy little ass btch

2010-04-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

If he misses you, he’ll call just to hear your voice. If he wants you, he’ll say it. And if he cares, he’ll show it. If he has a thought about you, it will come out of his mouth. If you are on his mind non-stop, he will do anything he can just to see you. If he truly likes you, he won’t let get anything in the way and fight back just to keep you in his arms. If not, he can’t be worth your time because you’re obviously not worth his.

saw this a su's blog.

2010-04-28T00:25:00.004+08:00

how i wish, my friends and i have the same free time.

with just a call away .

i could meet my friends.

just like it used to .

so i wont be too clingy onto zul.

what if sooner or later, he's tired of me?

so that i wont feel so lonely, when he's out with his friends.

i envy those who meet their close friends on daily basis.

feel me people?

nah . i dont think so .

coz i dunnoe what hell im feeling.

just i dun like the feeling

2010-04-27T12:35:00.000+08:00

I swear i'm supeer bored during lecture w/o any books! can I just go home nw.

anyways I miss sch life. I miss my girls and guys that knows how to make me laugh like there's no tmr!
have fun every weekend even when we are broke!

what should I do?
let bygones be bygones no matter how hard it has an impact on me.

and I love md zulhilmi!

2010-04-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

First day of sch was so dreadful.

8am to 6pm of sch is killing me.

the fact that i need to go home at 6pm almost everyday .

i cld cry thinking of it.

the traffic was super bad just now.

it took me nearly 2 hrs to reach home.

i could burst in tears in the bus.

cause i was super hungry .

and my stomach growling like nobody business.

and it was painful.

like people say. hungry man is an angry man .

likewise woman. haha!

let yr 2 pass soo fassstt!!

fyi. if you ask/said halfheartedly

then don't bother.

2010-04-17T19:04:00.003+08:00

you know. i hate being alone at home.

it reminds me of my late grandfather.

when im alone he's presence makes a different.

can someone take me out?

like i mean now!

2010-04-16T02:46:00.002+08:00

sch starting on monday,

oh gosh .

im seriously not prepare for it .

ive been sleeping late.

as late as 6 am .

how the hell am i going to wake up at 6 am ????

but on the bright side.

im meeting those gundus that ive been missing.

and the beef horfun. ban mian . and all the foods!!

heh heh.

IM NOT PREPARE TO GO TO SCH!

HELP ME! HELP ME!

anyways ive yet to go and get my hair done since i dunnoe when .

could money fall from the sky!

and then ill sing. its raining money !! La La La~

hehehe

2010-04-14T23:37:00.002+08:00

im so blessed to be introduce to this family .

they are so heart warming.

i may be shy at times.

im grateful for all the times spent.

some times i just wonder.

do they like my presence as much as i love theirs?

how i wish .. they do ..

ily♥

2010-04-13T21:06:00.002+08:00

blogger is being a bitch right now.

coz i couldn't upload pictures.

and the mood to update goes down the drain.

2010-04-08T23:33:00.003+08:00

i feel bad enough .

i feel worst than that.

how things lead to another idk.

all those yaking i dun really need it .

its rubbing salt and whatever shits to the wound.

i don't know what to feel.

disappointed? angry? sad? fcuk up?

only gods knows.

if only i were to walk on different shoes.

and you walk on mine.

how would you feel ?

what would you do ?

if you are happy enough .

i'm happy for you.

2010-04-05T00:53:00.002+08:00

wat does it feels like to be born in a rich or well do family?

to have allowance everyday ?

big bucks and go wherever you feel like without thinking....

"oh how much will it cost?"

i envy all the lucky bitches to born in wealthy family .

but again. im born with a great family and friends.

oh if i were to say this.

i dunnoe if my friends would find it meaningful.

or just . oh just another miss you bullshit coming out from me?

i feel ashame, to ask you girls to meet me. when i have no cash.

when there's no cash. no plans.

every where needs money . and ohh thats when i envy rich girls like nbcb.

but ohh weellsss.

i love my friends. my family and zulhilmi .

i am grateful to have all these beautiful souls with me.

that they dont!

2010-04-02T19:24:00.002+08:00

what to do when someone thinks your greedy for their attention ?
what does that mean to be greedy for someone attention ?
and why do i get greedy for yours?

and to think that ure tired of it.
it gets to me.
real bad.

im sure uve given me more than enough.
more than i could ever ask for.
im grateful for that.

and i dunnoe.
what makes my heart crushed .
its fake now that im trying to laugh with my cuzz.
pathetic aint it ?
tell me about it.

2010-04-02T00:25:00.004+08:00

i feel so bad.
if i didnt invite him .
he won't get fine.
and i won't spill the curry on his shirt.

I'm sorry.
i couldnt stop crying when i read the msg and aft i call u
gosh!
i feel so guilty.
and now im so sad.

its like there's no ending to the day without talking to u .
i dunnoe why .
but the tears couldnt stop.
='(

im afraid when u get mad.
when u dont talk to me.
coz im afraid . what if u walk away

2010-03-31T21:40:00.002+08:00

thank god its over.

thank god im fine.

no one had an idea how scared i was.

thank you to those who help me thru .

thanks baby,

for being there.

for taking good care of me.

for showering me with love.

i won't want any other guy than u.

2010-03-27T05:34:00.002+08:00

im having a real bad insomnia.

i still couldn't sleep.

and stuck my face in front of the computer

and watch korean drama.

Its a good show.

and a heart wrenching one too.

i couldn't stop this tears from flowing.

gosh ive been crying when im only at ep 4.

i know its bad.

but i just couldn't do it.

it not the right time.

how i wish . i really wish.

i could . that is the right time.

how i wish if its real

2010-03-25T21:13:00.002+08:00

i dunnoe how to feel .

i dunnoe what to do .

a part of me feel loved.

but its not the right moment.

i love you more and more

it makes me love you so much .!

that words could never describe

2010-03-21T18:55:00.003+08:00

ok i thot hols are supposed to be fun .

i didnt imagine the first day of my hols will be like bored to death.

i didnt expect my hols to be stuck at home. do nothing.

and no one is at home.

gosh, tell me that my hols wont get worse than this.

i want to go out

anyone?

no use planning when others got their own plans right?

thats why i dun like to plan.

2010-03-15T17:16:00.002+08:00

I used to have loads of friends.

BORED? just give anyone a call.

but now, i could count my true friends with my fingers.

i cant deny, i don't meet them often.

but they never fail to fill my heart.

and i miss them so.

im too tired with attchment.

until going out just never cross my mind.

ive been cranky .

i get agitated so easily .

and i dunnoe why .

2010-03-13T02:06:00.002+08:00

i think im done with my blogskins.

im too tired to continue .

if i have the time or even if im not lazy .

so kak noni has already given birth to her little princess.

and i must miss that because im having attchment.

anyways

i love zul.

i want it to be the same as the first time we met.

never change. pls.

i hope it wont.

2010-03-10T16:08:00.002+08:00

pictures up!

during valentines day movie date.

Baby went to remove his wisdom tooth that have been giving him problems

he's not answering my calls now.

i guess he must be tired.

im so worried.

coz i love him .

so much .

anyways.

hols are drawing near.

i cant wait for it.

i want to meet gfs.

but im tired. and bz.

just got to wait for hols.

bye!

2010-03-07T02:48:00.001+08:00

IM FREAKING BORED!!!!
SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!

GOD DAMMIT!

2010-03-02T22:22:00.002+08:00

so attachment time is here .

oh yea! haha

today was a frightening experience

it drain out all my energy.

my legs were so sore.

that i decided not to join my friends.

yes. my girls that i miss so bad.

and sleep like a pig till 8 pm.

can u imagine that.

im so sorry girls.

im freaking worried about zul's swollen cheek.

haiya

2010-03-01T00:51:00.003+08:00

* mushy mushy moments *

one year have passed. how fast time has pass.

its been a great journey with you .

the ups the downs.

the everything.

i love you .

i thank god to have found a lovely, wonderful guy .

i thank you for being with me,

thank you for tolerating my nonsense.

thank you for being so patience.

thank you for all the things u given .

and lastly, thank you for loving me.

i hope , this not the only year.

i want it to have many many years to come.

i want to be the only one. and the greatest .

i love you bby . with all my heart.

2010-02-24T20:34:00.002+08:00

im left with one more paper.

and thats the end.

yes.

just now was cell and molecular biology.

it was ok . easier than expected.

i walk off the examination hall earlier and feeling so hype.

thinking that i would get to meet bf as promised.

but unfortunately thats not the case.

idk how i feel at that point.

but oh wells, theres nothing i could do . can i .

so yea.

i just continue on the meet up that ive just cancel with the tech.

bye.

2010-02-18T01:09:00.002+08:00

i know exam coming .

i shouldnt be going out.

i shouldn't be fb-ing, chatting or bloghopping.

or what ever.

i should stuck my face,with my lecture notes.

but i couldnt resist meeting love.

like what they say, ( i think there's ppl who said it)

loving a person soo much, made you lose your mind for a moment.

hehe.

being with him, for a moment.

im like in paradise. * singing welcome to my paradise* heheh

ive stop thinking of things, i just love being with him.

no matter where or what we do .

ok done, i think ppl know alrdy how much i love my sexyboy.

sometimes, looking at photos of ppl going out with their frens.

i start to miss gfs so much

whats there to say , there are bunch of good friends.

they wont forget me even we dont really meet up do they .

idk, it all lies at their hands.

i love them

2010-02-11T21:32:00.004+08:00

08-02-10.

the day i wont forget.

yes i know everyone will go one day too .

but i didnt expect it to be this soon .

i wasnt prepared.

and i will never be prepared.

the house now, is super quiet.

tears will roll down unexpectedly .

every time i think about atok.

every time when i see my mom's face crying.

as fierce as he can be.

he is the best grandpa ever.

now, who's going to accompany watch tv?

who's going to wake me up every morning?

who's going to wait for me till i reach home?

its tough on me, going thru this and exam at the same time.

i knw its tough on everyone in my family.

having losing someone i respect and love dearly, will never be easy .

2010-02-06T14:44:00.001+08:00

am i asking too much ?
that gets on people nerves?

or im giving too much ?

2010-02-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

idk whats gotten into me lately .
stress out i think .
i myself dunnoe.

anyways.
exams are coming.
gosh . i wish i could delay time.
please.
im not prepare at all. not a bit .

with sexylove .
its amazing that we've reach 11 mnth knowing each other.
one more month .
and its one year baby .

u wont know how much i love you.
coz its too much .
mwah !

i love you md zulhilmi

2010-01-30T15:58:00.002+08:00

yesterday was awesome. i got to meet ft island up close
they are so pretty for a guy .
and have flawless skin like a girl should have.
yey!! hongki !!

idk . how should i say this.
i myself dunnoe.
i just want you .
to me.

=(

2010-01-25T20:46:00.003+08:00

maid indon sibok kat blakang.

i love this girls sadly ira and noren wasnt there to join us.
like what sab says thr's always 2% missing.
but in the end it was all worth the sweat!
i guess it would be another month we gonna meet up.
bbys, just so you knw.
ill be here for you. always.
love you girls.

2010-01-17T04:23:00.002+08:00

hey its 4.12 am .
and here i am still infront of the comp.
my eyes are so droopy .
but it feels weird not hearing zul's voice before i sleep .
my stomach hurts.
and that make it worst.

i just reach home a few minutes ago.
going out with my cousins was forever the best.
even though some sleep throughout the entire show.
but its a worth company whenever its with them .
thats the reason i don't mind watching that movie twice.

i love you.
could you just pick up the phone and let me hear your voice.
only for awhile
it will do .
=(
i miss you .

2010-01-16T01:22:00.001+08:00

i swear im super bored.
i could cry and kill myself because of being so bored.
ntg to watch .
food finish alrdy .
no one at home.

HAIS!!!!!!!!

2010-01-15T01:15:00.002+08:00

As time pass, i feel so grateful to have the great family.
that pampers me like no other.
great friends
even though we don't meet that often. i know somehow.
they got my back and i have theirs.
great bf completes it all.
no guy bby , could ever give me the love, things and concern like you did.
thats why, i love you like no other .
sexylove. =p

2010-01-13T22:11:00.002+08:00

that's my sexylove right there.
every minute every seconds i just love having my sexybby with me.
i want this to last. ♥

there isn't anyone better than my ♥.
you got to trust me , i got to trust you.
so bby, dun ever break this trust i have on you.

time flies so fast. soon its gonna be a year since i knew muhd zulhilmi bin abu bakar.
and this year im gonna turn 19.
can you guys believe that. coz i cant.
with the age increasing by year. the responsibility increases too.

pls make everything falls nicely at its own place.

im loving dearest.

2010-01-05T23:25:00.003+08:00

hey. been lazy this few days to blog.
there's ntg much .
since sch started alrdy .

when to malacca for holidays.
thats all.

i miss my girls.
how are you girls?

anyways.
tell me what to do when insecurities takes over?
i hate that.
i dunnoe how to figure out whats running thru my head.
i just dun want to think negative.
but it just get into my head.
its difficult to forget .
twice.

i feel so disturbed at that point of time.

and i love you more than anything.
that makes me seal my mouth .
i dunn want things to go bad.
or make u think, im irritated or being too obsessive?

but, i love spending time with you . i really do.

2009-12-31T19:39:00.002+08:00

in a few hours time its the end of 2009 .
and starts the new beginning of 2010.

2009 has been loads of ups and downs.
be it in love, friends and even family .
but its been a joyful ride.
and i hope 2010 is going to be better.
and 2009 is also when i met zulhilmi.
thats what im most grateful for .

met someone who love and care for me.
someone so nice.
thats what i love about 2009 .
i met my love.

happy new year everyone.

2009-12-16T04:51:00.002+08:00

tonight i blame sabrina for making me cry .
watching that movie.
='(
it's sweet and sad.
gosh .

AND OH! SURAYAH CRIED WATCHING THAT MOVIE. HUHU!
see i told you guys it's sad.
watch koizora.

anyways. i dunnoe whats running thru someone's mind.
how i wish i know. haha!
yea. i cant deny . everything change.

do you guys afraid of what future lies ahead?
i am .

thanks baby, for the gift.
i love you .
i love you very much .
you know. i sometimes wonder.
do you love me as much as i do ?

but i know you love me dont you?

i cant wait to meet kak yas.
i miss my cousins so much .

2009-12-12T02:55:00.002+08:00

i spend the whole day at home today .
baby is busy, so
i soaked myself with korean movie.
i cried like a bby.
its been awhile since i cried this hard.
=(

because of korean movie.
i sometime got mixed up.
between reality and drama,
to how far a guy cld go to show his love to the girl.
am i the only one here?

anyways.
eyes are sore.
the movie was two thumbs up!
watch it people.
youre beautiful

have you ever love someone so much .
that even saying i love you(s) loads of time.
u find it not enuff?
like you love them more than anything

oh gosh .
bby, just know. i love you more than anything.
=D
you complete me.
and i mean it.
you are someone so precious and important to me.

the thought of goin mlysia.
part of my heart sinks.
coz im gonna leave baby.
even if its one day .

nyt

2009-12-11T17:09:00.002+08:00

im all excited when i got to meet this girls.
just too bad. su wasnt there.
because of them, how i wish i were in sec sch days again.
wow! everyone's 18 already.
lets go party uh girls?!?! heh heh heh

i love you girls so much .
even though we do get on each other ass some times.

and. to top of the great day.
i got to meet babylove.
spend time with him.

if everyday i could meet this wonderful people .
i would be the happiest girl.